oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
