I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
