But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
