I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
ugly people sure do ruin things
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
