it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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