we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
