Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
