Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
