P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
