I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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