"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
