hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
