apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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