I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
