is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
