forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
