she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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