I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
