can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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