dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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