Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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