hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
