Where are you?
In a non slutty way
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
