It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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