We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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