Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
