I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I love having hate sex.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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