Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
