new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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