One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
