I accidentally had phone sex last night
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
