On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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