Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
