im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize