i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
