Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
