My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
