tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Terrible idea I love it
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
