I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Need sex. Gaining weight.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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