I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
