i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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