yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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