You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just come out here and I will go home with you...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
