I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize