he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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