accomplished twins. life is a go
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
