He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
