I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
