He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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