apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
