hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
