I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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