I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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