3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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