How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
