Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
