he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
