BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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