...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
