remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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