After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
