Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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