I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I party with great urgency now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
