I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
