so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
