I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
