just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
