A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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