Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
