Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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