you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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