I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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