I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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