i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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