Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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