dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
